8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
