Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
