Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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