"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
