I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
