he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
