i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize