You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
