i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
