She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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