Sry I called you an 8
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
