Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
