there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
