The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
