he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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