I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
