tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
