end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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