We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
