she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize