eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
babies were throwing up all over the place
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It's blow job season.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
