I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
