If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
