would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
