I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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