Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
high people should be assigned attendants
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
