6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
