I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
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