How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
