Please, let me fuck your mom
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
