Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
