We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The air was thick with penises
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
