i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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