i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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