the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
