so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
