I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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