i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
