I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize