The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I think a kid would responsible me up
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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