got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
