Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
