then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
