if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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