Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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