I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Holy shit dude........stairs
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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