The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
