i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
