i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
