After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
