So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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