If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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