glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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