On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i want to swaddle you in tequila
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
