Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
