I'm drive I can fine osifer
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
