i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
