i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
