how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
