living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
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