Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
