I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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