That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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