I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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