i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
