i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
