Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She even gives head with a lisp.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
