Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
