Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
