Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
