i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
