Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
