This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Can I color on your dick again?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
and you fell through a lawn chair
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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