Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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