i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
