Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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