i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
