at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
