Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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