You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
