his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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