Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
