Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
