i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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