...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
