I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
