So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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