I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
