uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You left your phone here
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