This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
