So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
