i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
