I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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