wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize