Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
