I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
she told me i tasted like america
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
