If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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