do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
