i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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