Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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