We won't sleep together?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
