She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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